I feel so fucked up right now.
Why, I ask myself.
At the moment I hate my scars, I wish I could be normal. I wish this horrible rush of emotions would just fade away. But it won't. I know it won't. Not in a long time. I'm tired of this rollercoaster. I'm tired of the feeling of my heart exploding from everything that I hide inside.
I can't stop staring the blood flowing down my wrist.
I can't stop wishing I had cut deeper.
I can't stop wishing that everybody would hate me.
It'd be so easy to let go of life.
But now...
Now I feel
quilty.
I have so many things to live for, yet so many things to die for.
I want to get rid of this rotting piece of meat I am nowadays. My mind plagued with despair. I can't see the light in the end of the tunnel. I can see the tunnel, though. In the light of the many positive things in my life. I don't want to see it. It's grimy and crushed, splattered with blood all over. Every single drop I have ever bled... I can see it all clearly now.
This is what my life is from the inside.
This is what my soul is really like.
I want out of this cage.
I can't breathe anymore.